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"When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~ Anon"

Skip this one if you've heard it before:

Two old guys are playing a round, and suddenly, on the road adjacent to the hole they're on, a long line of cars slowly passes by, a hearse at the front. The one guy, about to tee off, abruptly stops, stands up straight and removes his cap until the procession passes by. His companion is very impressed and tells him how much he respects the way he stopped everything to honor a funeral procession. The other guy says: "Well, it's the least I could do. That was my wife."

I remember this joke from a comedy album from cheesy Vegas comic Davey Bold that the parents had in the late sixties......

Haggard and tired Fred returns home from a long day of golf with his golf buddies. Fred's wife greets him at the door and seeing his condition exclaims, "Honey, you look awful, how was your game?"
Heaving a sigh, Fred replies, "Worst game of golf I've ever played." His wife asked what happened. He went on to explain, "Charlie had a heart attack and dropped dead on the first tee."

"Oh, that's just terrible," his wife exclaimed.

"It WAS terrible," Fred replied. "All day long it was: Hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie."

John was born on the 5th of May in 1955, at precisely 5:55 am, when his parents were both 55 years old. He lived on the fifth floor of an apartment, 5 hours away from his school.

As he grew up, the number five cropped up in his life in weird and wonderful ways. He was five minutes late to everything. He received 55% in every test he ever did. He had five significant others, and so on and so forth.

On his fiftieth birthday, John received a lottery ticket from his cousin as a birthday present. He entered it, and was shocked to find that he had won $5,555,555 in cash, and decided to spend it on horse racing.

At the horse-racing track, as John looked up at the signs, he noticed that a horse named Pentagram was about to run in the fifth race of the fifth heat at 5:55 pm.

This must be a sign from the heavens! he thought. This horse and I were simply meant to be! I mustn’t ignore this—my entire life has been leading up to this moment!

He bet all $5,555,555 of his money on Pentagram winning. As he sat in his seat (fifth seat in the fifth row) and watched the horses, including Pentagram, line up at the start, he felt a sense of anticipation and excitement beyond anything he had ever felt in his life.

BANG! went the gun, and the race started. It was an unbelievably close race, with all nine of the horses performing spectacularly well. Pentagram ran around the track in just fifteen seconds. But in the end, after the horses crossed the finish line, John’s jaw dropped.

Pentagram, obviously, had come fifth.

Guitarzan wrote: ↑December 3rd, 2022, 4:05 am I remember this joke...

Unfortunately most of the really good jokes are a little too 'colorful' for this site, or NSFW as they say these days.

Did you hear about the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw.....????

Book Titles.......

Revenge of a lion by Clawed Face
Yellow River by I. P. Freely
Under the Grand Stands by Semore Butts

Sage.......

What's the difference between a circus and a group of Vegas dance-hall girls?

A circus is a vast array of cunning stunts...

Danny D wrote: ↑December 4th, 2022, 9:44 pm What's the difference between a circus and a group of Vegas dance-hall girls?

A circus is a vast array of cunning stunts...

Top Prize so far!!!

sagevanni wrote: ↑December 4th, 2022, 12:29 pm Did you hear about the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw.....????

Book Titles.......

Revenge of a lion by Clawed Face
Yellow River by I. P. Freely
Under the Grand Stands by Semore Butts

Sage.......

Race To The Bathroom by Willy Makeit

Hi, I have no arms and legs but I love to swim. My name's Bob.

Confucius says:

"Man who lay woman on grass, have peace on Earth"
"Woman who fly airplane upside-down have nasty crack up"
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day"
"Better to sleep with old hen than pullet"

Confucius says:

"Man who go to bed with ichy butt wake up with smelly fingers"